How To Feel Safe, Secure….& Spicy With Your Sexual Partner

Sex can be thrilling, fulfilling, bonding…and intensely vulnerable.

It might not sound super sexy to talk about feeling safe during sex, but even the most adventurous, rapturous, delicious sexual experiences can’t be truly enjoyed if you don’t feel safe and secure.

So what can you do to keep things super spicy while still feeling safe and secure with your partner?

Here are a few tips:

1. Communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your sexy ideas, desires, boundaries, fears and insecurities. When you communicate openly with each other, mutual trust and understanding grow…and so do your feelings of security.
2. Set clear boundaries with your partner. Don’t be afraid to require that they are respected; your partner wants the same from you. Some examples could include using protection, or talking about what types of sexual activity are and are not okay.
3. Take it nice and slow! Do things at your own pace and don’t feel pressured to do anything you’re not comfortable with.
4. Try out some fun, but consensual activities. Both of you will need to have a good understanding of each other’s needs, willingness, and comfort level. When your ‘activities’ are consensual, you and your partner will feel safe and free to let go and enjoy the experience.
5. Establish a safe word or phrase that you can use if you need to stop the activity. Just having a safe word can help you feel more relaxed.
6. Be aware of your own feelings. This applies before, during and after sex. If you’re feeling stressed or anxious, or if you feel pressured during sex, it can be difficult to relax and enjoy yourself in the moment and in the future. Do things that make you feel good, and consider seeking professional help if you’re struggling.

Of course, if you ever feel unsafe or uncomfortable in a sexual situation, it’s important to speak up and to remove yourself from the situation.

If you feel like the spice has trickled out of your sex life and you need guidance to get it back, schedule a session with Willamette Wellness Center. Our warm, experienced, and qualified counselors can help you figure out your fears and desires, and develop an action plan to get the cayenne back into your sex life!

Be Well,