Yes, Yes, Yes – Orgasm Equity for All!

In honor of Women’s History Month, let’s make our own mark on history by flipping the script on womens’ sexual pleasure!

Picture this: You identify as female and are in a committed relationship with your male partner. You consider your relationship healthy; you love each other, feel safe and generally like to satisfy each other sexually, but your partner usually orgasms, while you do not.

Unfortunately, this scenario is more common than not. The disparity between men and women orgasm numbers is dramatic, with men achieving them at a shockingly higher rate. In a 2020 article, titled Orgasm Equality: Scientific Finding and Societal Implications, the authors found:

• 91% of men experience orgasm in partnered sex versus 39% of women.
• Men thought their partners orgasmed 85% of the time, while women reported climaxing only 64% of the time.
• 91% of men experienced an orgasm during their most recent sexual event versus 64% of women.
• When having sex with a familiar partner, men orgasmed 86% of the time, while women orgasmed 62% of the time.

These are some dismal statistics based on hetero relationships, but what about statistics based on women engaging in: sex with other women, masturbation or casual sex?

• 31% of men and 10% of women reported reaching orgasm during first-time encounters.
• Lesbian women are more likely to orgasm than heterosexual or bisexual women during partnered sex.
• 60% of women usually/always climax while masturbating, compared to an orgasm rate of only 29% during partnered, hetero sex.

Societal factors contribute greatly to orgasm inequality

• Traditionally it has been considered a right for men to receive pleasure during sex (penile/vaginal penetrative intercourse), while many believe(d) that the female role was solely to reproduce. Because of this + other complicated societal factors, very little research or education has been focused on the clitoris. In fact, medical experts are just now beginning to learn about this mysterious part of the female anatomy. Often referred to as the pleasure center of a female, the clitoris is compared to the tip of the penis. But, recent research has revealed that much of the clitorus is actually found within the body, with the pea-size part we are most familiar with only representing a fraction of what is actually present. You can read more: How Can We Know So Little About Clitorises?
• Women historically feel less entitled to sexual pleasure and lack the confidence to tell a male partner about their sexual needs.
• Many men have not been taught/educated to inquire about a woman’s sexual needs/preferences before sexual activity occurs.

For far too long, women have considered lack of pain during sex as success during intimacy, but I say it’s time to advocate for more. It’s time to demand sexual pleasure and orgasm equality, which, to be honest, benefits men and women, both!

Younger generations are already leading the way in this endeavor. Rapper, singer, songwriter and actress, Nicki Minaj, declared “I demand that I climax. I think women should demand that…I’m a pleaser, but it’s fifty-fifty,” in a Cosmopolitan article as early as 2015.

Right on Nicki! But how can we get there? Don’t worry, we won’t leave you hanging, we make sure everyone reaches that finish line! There are several resources easily available. And, bear with me here, experts recommend experimenting with self pleasure to better inform your partner on ways they can help you get … there!

Online Resources
There are several internet-based resources that discuss women’s sexuality, including:

• Healthy Sex – an educational site developed by certified sex therapist, Wendy Maltz, M.S.W.
• Sex+ – YouTube channel hosted by a sex education activist
• OMGYES – a paid, women’s website for orgasm and sexual pleasure including techniques, how-to videos and current research

Feminist Pornography
Female-focused or feminist pornography offers a different perspective – from aesthetics, to intimacy and pleasure equality. Learn more about this genre in Glamor Magazine’s article, Porn for Women.

Erotica
For those looking for a more imaginative experience, erotica is a literary artform that stimulates multiple senses.

• 15 Erotic Short Stories for Women by Women
• The Sensual And Seductive World of Women’s Erotica
• Level Up Your Orgasms by Visiting These 8 Online Erotica Websites

Books
Experts in female sexuality provide a wealth of knowledge on the female experience, from physiological, psychological and emotional perspectives.

• Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, Ph.D
• She Comes First by Ian Kerner PhD
• The Vagina Bible by Jennifer Gunter

Toys
As the name suggests, sex toys are implements that aid in pleasure. Flo.health recently published a helpful article on the topic – How to Choose a Female Sex Toy. Other resources include:

• The 25 Best Vibrators for Everyone
• Pure Romance – products via website or hosted parties

Therapy and Coaching
Intimacy coaching can help you spice up your life. From couples counseling to sex therapy and coaches, there are multiple types of specialists available to guide you.

• The Cleveland Clinic’s Sex Therapist overview
• Somatica Institute’s explanation of sex coaching
• BDSM Coaching in Portland

If you would like a more personalized approach, contact us to talk directly with a therapist that can help.

**DISCLAIMER**
This blog was written based on articles and scientific studies that examine sexual relationships between heterosexual cis-gendered men and women (women and men whose gender identity corresponds with the sex registered for them at birth). Although some data mentions lesbian relationships in this book, the research on orgasm rate and sexual health/pleasure between non cis-gender hetero couples (non-binary, transgender, others) is severely lacking and we at WWC recognize that much more needs to be done in this field to include the sexual experience of all sexes/genders/relationship types.