Is It Normal To Not Have Sex? A Portland Therapist’s Perspective

We speak with many individuals in our Milwaukie, OR office and through online sessions who worry that not having sex — or not wanting to have sex — is somehow “abnormal.” Media and popular culture often promote an idealized version of sex that doesn’t reflect many people’s real experiences. Messages suggesting that you should have sex a certain number of times per week — and orgasm every time — are often driven more by marketing than by emotional or relational reality.

There Is No “Normal” When It Comes to Sexual Desire

The reality is that it’s completely normal for an individual not to have sex for any period of time. Phew!

Sexual activity is a personal choice, and everyone’s level of interest in sex can vary throughout the day, week, month, or even lifetime. Some people may choose to be celibate or abstain from sexual activity for a variety of reasons, such as religious or moral beliefs, trauma, personal preference, or lack of access to a consensual partner.

But it can be difficult to tell the difference between your personal preference and a core belief handed down by society or peer pressure — especially when you’re navigating relationships, dating, or a long-term partnership in today’s culture.

Sexual desire exists on a wide spectrum, and everyone’s preferences are different and valid. What matters most is that your choices align with your values and overall well-being.

When Trauma, Anxiety, or Stress Affects Sexual Desire

And for some people, changes in sexual desire are connected to anxiety, depression, trauma, or chronic stress. If past experiences feel unresolved, your nervous system may still be in protection mode. Therapies such as EMDR therapy and Internal Family Systems (IFS) can help people gently process trauma and reconnect with their bodies in a safe, supported way. People in relationships may consider couples therapy.

Trauma-Informed Sexual Health Therapy in Portland

If you’re experiencing flashbacks, hypervigilance, or body-based responses tied to past experiences, our trauma-informed therapy services may also be helpful. At Willamette Wellness Center, our Portland-area therapists offer trauma-informed, affirming therapy to help you better understand your relationship with sex, intimacy, and desire — without shame, pressure, or judgment.

We provide therapy throughout Oregon (including Portland and the surrounding metro area) and Washington, both online and in person. Fill out the new client form to get started.