Weight is Much More than a Number

“Lose the weight, and then we can talk,” said the doctor, dressed in a fitted white medical coat, as he promptly denied surgery for the third time. 

“Have you considered that maybe your weight is part of the reason you didn’t get the position?” asked a new friend as she sipped her skinny vanilla latte slowly across the table. 

“I just don’t understand why fat people don’t make better choices with what they eat, it’s not that difficult to order a salad instead of a Big Mac,” said the family member who always seems to have the solutions to everyone else’s problems. 

Fatphobia, fat shame, anti-fat bias, and weight stigma have become an insidious part of many cultures as highlighted in a recent Yahoo! article discussing comments made about the first Asian-American plus-sized Sports Illustrated cover model, Yumi Nu.

Statements like the ones above can have pervasive and destructive effects on bigger-bodied people. After years of trying to gain a sense of humanity through weight loss attempts, countless bigger-bodied people often feel their options are limited to either an expensive surgical procedure or a dangerous form of self-sabotage. 

Their response often comes in the form of eating disorder behaviors; serial dieting (weight cycling or “yo-yo dieting”), self-induced vomiting (purging), avoiding or limiting food intake (restricting), going hours without food (fasting), compulsive and excessive exercise, laxative abuse, the list goes on. You might read this and think, “That is not a solution, it’s just another problem.” You are not wrong. But the reality is that many people struggling with eating disorders were greatly impacted by both the internalized trauma of anti-fat bias and the externalized trauma of these maladaptive, self-sabotaging coping strategies (double trauma). 

In fact, the effects of eating disorders are often more damaging than the original so-called problem of being bigger-bodied. However, the approval, admiration, and encouragement that result from having a smaller frame, often answer an even deeper, more basic human need … acceptance. 

Eating disorders are usually a way to cope with pain but are very different from other coping strategies (self-mutilation, isolation, drug use, excessive spending, etc.) in that their results are usually met with celebration, rather than concern. 

“You finally did it! You finally lost the weight, and you look great!”  

Behaviors associated with eating disorders can bring a fleeting sense of control and usually provide emotional relief that is further confirmed through positive peer feedback. People are willing to put themselves through extreme physical distress in order to alleviate the emotional pain of being seen as unacceptable to those around them.

One of the most profound and heartbreaking statements I’ve heard from a client when discussing the catalyst for their eating disorder was, “After years of trying to lose weight in all kinds of ways, I just wanted something that would actually work, and my eating disorder was just that.” 

In a podcast titled “Maintenance Phase,” Michael Hobbes shares childhood memories of watching his mother try diet after diet to lose weight. In the same podcast, Aubrey Gordon speaks to some of her own experiences of being denied care from health care providers due to her weight and she explains that she has received a great amount of feedback from her listeners that have experienced the same. 

Eventually, bigger-bodied people find themselves desperate for a solution that they hope will make them feel recognized and respected by their friends, family, colleagues, and health care providers. This can then lead to demoralization and a desperate hunt for answers to a problem that was placed on them by anti-fat bias. 

While I cannot speak for all bigger-bodied individuals, I can speak to the effect that trauma has on one’s ability to make healthy and rational decisions. When someone feels unsafe or threatened in some way (ie; rejected by others, unable to receive medical care, or triggered by a judgmental comment), they are often unable to make healthy, rational decisions. 

Trauma interferes with the brain’s ability to cope in ways that are ideal. Therefore, judgmental comments, weight loss suggestions, and any form of anti-fat bias only contribute to increased trauma and decreased human compassion, a vicious cycle. The moment a judgment occurs towards a person in a bigger body (whether consciously or unconsciously) a change occurs that erodes the opportunity for empathy, compassion, respect, and most importantly safety within the relationship.

When bigger-bodied people are labeled as fat and assumptions are made about their weight being a simple choice, these individuals are objectified. The bigger-bodied person is seen merely as a number with a label instead of a person with a story. These judgments then become internalized, and bigger-bodied people can start to believe the destructive lie that their size matters more than their humanity. 

Being bigger-bodied is not a simple choice. But, stopping ourselves from letting judgmental assumptions hurt other people is exactly that, a choice, and one that we can not afford to make.

If you are looking for help with your healing journey, contact a Willamette Wellness Center therapist today.

Be well,
Castine Friberg

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